This is where I went wrong.
Throughout the magazine pages it was all the same message:
"Eat 1,200 calories a day, don't snack between meals, burn more calories than you consume, take fat burners and stay away from sugar and you too can look like a cover model!"
That's how simple they made it seem it was to get in fitness cover model shape.
Being a young teenager who admired their flat stomach, chiseled arms, thick thighs and shapely body (all the things I didn't have), I was more than willing to do what they suggested to achieve that look.
I was bombarded with images inside magazines and MTV of what a healthy, attractive and strong woman looked like, which sank into my subconscious and warped my mind.
I didn't know it at the time but I began believing the lies that:
- I had to track everything to a tee if I was serious about getting in shape
- I had to eat every three hours on the dot or else my metabolism would tank and I'd lose muscle
- I would be happier in a size 1 and 105 pounds
- Fit, beautiful women have no insecurities
- Food was my issue - not my emotions and lack of boundaries
- Fat burners and fasted cardio would void-out my binges
- The number on the scale is what's most important
And when things didn't go my way, I felt like a failure.
Which tanked my confidence and only worsened the way I felt and thought about my body.
I never blamed anything on the fact that what I was doing wasn't ideal for MY body.
Traditional methods were NOT working and I was super frustrated.
I thought my body was the problem and the thing that needed fixed.
When in fact, it's society and the beauty industry that needs a good fixing!
To add to my body-image and food issues, I thought that if I got breast implants they would make me whole & more womanly and all my body issues would just *poof* disappear.
It's the only part on my body that I couldn't exercise or eat my way into changing, you know?
So just a couple months shy of my 24th birthday, in November 2006, I had a breast augmentation.
I went from a perky A cup to a full D cup in two hours.
Breast implants did improve my confidence... but it was very short lived.
Within a year I began picking on other body part.
- My stomach isn't flat enough.
- The cellulite on the back of my legs has got to go.
- That little pinch of skin by my armpit that stuck out in tank top is bothering me.
- My cheeks are so puffy from the binge I had the night before... ugh.
Insert fasted cardio, diuretics, fat burners, calorie restriction, guilt & shame.
Within that same first year of getting breast implants I also developed full blown Binge Eating Disorder. And I was studying to become a Certified Personal Trainer during this time!
Here I was, working towards making a career out of helping people eat healthy and get in amazing shape, yet "I" couldn't even get my own eating issues under control.
I'm here to tell you...
If you take nothing away from anything I've said, know this:
If you don't believe in yourself, get your mindset (thoughts and beliefs) right and surround yourself with positive people, it doesn't matter how much you know - nothing will work for long.
From the outside I looked good. I came off as happy go lucky. But behind closed doors I was an anxious girl with constant disempowering thoughts who overly obsessed about not looking like the girl on the cover of Oxygen magazine.
Fast forward to October 2014, after competing in a couple fitness competitions, I began to get really sick.
Chronic fatigue. Brain fog. Hair loss. Blurry vision. Debilitating anxiety and depression bouts. Hip joint pain. Cold extremities. Gasping for air. Swollen lymph nodes. Ringing in my ears. Full body tremors.
Come to find out, after four years of doctors visits, cancer scares, ultrasounds, supplement protocols, a massive overhaul with my diet and lots of praying,
I found out in 2017 that I had something called, Breast Implant Illness.
This was my ah-ha moment after so many years of felling like I was going to die - literally!
In August 2018 I explanted and never looked back.
Who would've thought the things I so desperately thought I needed almost took me down.
I am on the other side of that now, and can proudly say that my health, body image, confidence, relationship with food, mindset and life is pretty darn near perfect.
I no longer weigh myself multiple times the day, count every calorie, do excessive amounts of cardio, obsess about my body or feel the need to go to extremes to alter my body in order to feel more confident, womanly or healthy.
And I want this for you more than anything.
It took me two decades - 21 years to be exact - to get to a place of unconditionally loving my body.
After my own trials and errors and working with thousands of women,
I know what it takes to feel good about your body, love what you see in the mirror and where 99.9% of women go wrong from day one.
I also KNOW what doesn’t work, what's downright dangerous and what's a waste of time.
My intention, with anything I do, is to not only show you how to get there, but teach you how to sustain and maintain what you worked so hard to achieve.
Since 2008 (after I became a Certified Personal Trainer) I’ve successfully helped thousands of women from all walks of life:
- Binge & Emotional Eaters who turn to food to cope with stress,
- Bikini Competitors who are willing to do anything to win first place,
- The Diehard Gym Rat who wants to pack on 10 pounds of muscle,
- The Busy Mom who wants to lose her baby weight,
Regardless of where you currently are and everything you've tried, you can be:
Heal the relationship you have with your body, using the power of your mind.
Eat in a way that doesn’t feel like a diet, and maintains your sanity.
Achieve your goals - but this time we’re starting from a place of love.
Love your body unconditionally - scars, dimples, stretch marks and all.
Exude confidence, no matter what your jean or breast is.
Develop the mindset it takes to achieve and sustain your goals.